by Elizabeth Downing
The world these days is all about visual images. Photos abound of people, places, meals, experiences, vacations, pets, correspondence, and on and on. It’s easy to feel as if we aren’t measuring up if we haven’t put into the public sphere pictures of ourselves and our families laughing, hugging, in love, successful, unencumbered with worry or stress. Are we judging ourselves? Why does it matter if our story as portrayed with a series of images isn’t quite as bright and shiny as someone else’s?
It doesn’t matter at all, really. What matters is our own recognition of the value of our unique stories.
I spend a lot of time learning people’s stories. I constantly ask questions and hope the answers will lead the speaker into the core of who they are and what they believe. More often than not I am rewarded with precious gems. A pearl of wisdom about how to get past doubts. A diamond of an idea about giving a child confidence and self-esteem. A ruby red bauble of thought about faith and its power. These gems form an image, as well. An image of a life and the path it has taken, the lessons it has taught.
I love looking at the old photos that represent these people’s history, but I know the sepia tones and yellowed album pages aren’t the person. They are a way to conjure memories and open discussions, but they aren’t the heart of a person. And I often wonder how we might return to a time when artfully framed snaps of a meal and silly selfies don’t describe to the world our unique story.
It may seem as if I’m anti-visual image. Nothing could be further from the truth. I have photos of family and friends all over my house. I hoard images on my phone and computer. I enjoy pictures and videos on social media and post them myself. I love traveling back in time to the days those pictures represent. But I often caution myself that by only focusing on my experiences and my beliefs, I am missing what the rest of the world can teach me. If tunnel vision leads me only to the happy, laughing, successful moments, no one will ever know my story because I will have concealed it from them.
I don’t want to imply we should all air our dirty laundry, pull those pesky skeletons out of the closet, or publicly examine our mistakes and what they mean. I want to suggest we are composed of more than the good times, and there is no shame in portraying our lives realistically. In spite of how we might feel sometimes, there is no competition for the happiest life. And I want to suggest that we help our children understand this concept.
We are all just striving to write our own stories in the best way we know. And it’s okay to illustrate that story with colors that might not include every shade in the crayon box. Whichever colors you combine, whatever words and phrases you thread together, make it real. Make sure your story is known.
About the Author:
Elizabeth Downing is Director of Outreach for Timesavers Concierge, Caregiving & Chauffeur in Bowling Green. A 1982 graduate of WKU, Elizabeth is also an attorney, but she found her passion in advocating and providing care for older adults and those with special needs. Elizabeth has written a book titled Puddles of Perspective, a collection of essays focused on family, female empowerment, and teaching younger generations the value of intergenerational interaction. Elizabeth’s blog, at www.mytimesaversky.com/blog, seeks to raise awareness of issues relating to aging and caring for aging loved ones, and to let people know they are not alone in the journey. She has recently completed a Certificate in Care Management from Boston University and facilitates two family caregiver support groups each month.
