The season of love is upon us! Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and the store shelves have been stocked with hearts full of candy for what seems like a month already. For some, Valentine’s Day is a pretty big holiday but for others it is just another day. Regardless of how big or small the holiday is for you, this season can serve as a good reminder to appreciate those you love.
There are many different kinds of love. I’m going to focus on three of them: romantic love, love for your kids and self-love. Each of these categories is important but there are different aspects to the different categories.
Romantic love is something we are all familiar with in one way or another – maybe it’s not the perfect fairytale you imagined, but I hope that you and your mate have a good relationship. It is so important to foster that in order for your children to feel secure. Studies have shown that children growing up in a home with an unstable marriage are less likely to feel the security they need in order to thrive. Of course, all relationships have rocky patches – perfect marriages don’t exist.
Good marriages do exist, but they take a lot of hard work! Sometimes love is even a choice. Sometimes love for your mate is choosing to stay and fight for the good even though you want to call it quits.
Mike and I have been through some hard times, but recently our love has been renewed because we chose to keep fighting. We work hard to keep the flame alive and provide a stable environment for our children. We have started having a weekly date. It is usually just a drive-thru and driving around town, but we do try to go out for dinner on occasion. In a family of six, it’s hard to get even five minutes of uninterrupted time to talk so it’s important for us to get out of the house. For us, spirituality is important so we also try to pray together regularly. Another tactic for us is to try to take 15-20 minutes each day to just check in with each other and see how the other’s day went. These are small steps, but they help us stay connected as a couple.
Another type of love is the love you feel for your kids. Unlike any other love – it is instant, overwhelming and unconditional. We will fight to the end for our kids. We want to protect them. We want them to be happy. The love I feel for my kids is the most selfless love I have ever known. It’s more than just providing for their basic needs… it means spending quality time with them. Time where my phone is down, the television is off and they have my full attention. It means showering them with physical affection when they need it. (I have one child that always wants hugs and cuddle time.) Love for my children often means discipline – not punishment – discipline. As parents, we need to teach them what our expectations are and train them how to meet those expectations. It is the daily sacrifices of time, energy, and sometimes money that are a part of loving my kids.
Of course, I could go on and on about all the things I do out of love for my kids but I want to move on to the topic of self-love. All too often as mothers and fathers we give and give until there is nothing left. Experience has shown me that I have to refill my tank in order to keep burning the gas. When I let myself get overworked and under cared for, I tend to get sick, physically and mentally. I feel run down, catch colds more easily and also find myself more short-tempered and grumpy.
Is it not narcissistic to take care of yourself! Trust me, I know how hard it is to make time for yourself and also meet all the demands of motherhood, work, being a wife, running a household and any other hat you may wear. But taking care of yourself is a must! In order to give your best, you have to be your best. We need to refill and recharge so that we can be our best selves.
For me, that means some daily alone time. I really don’t get what I need as far as alone time goes. What I really should do is get up earlier and take some time to read or think in the quiet. However, that would require an earlier bedtime and I’m more of a night owl than a morning person. I’m still working on figuring this out.
I have also started recently getting a regular massage. This is a luxury and not something I could afford until just recently, but it has made a huge positive impact in my life. I think it is important to stay in touch with your loved ones as well. A regular girls’ night out every couple of months or a scheduled video chat with long-distance friends can work wonders when it comes to recharging. I know for me it is often a burden to get together because I feel so spread thin already, but I’m always glad I made it happen. I always feel renewed after spending some social time with friends!
There are lots of ways that you can take care of yourself that I have not mentioned. The important thing is to make sure you take time to refill your cup so that you have plenty of love to pour into your other relationships. That is what I wish for us all in the month of love – that we find a balance that will allow us to love to our full potential. Happy Valentine’s Day!
-by Kari Carr
About the Author: Kari doesn’t claim to be a parenting expert, just a mom to her four wonderful children and wife to the love of her life, Mike. Together they move through the ups and downs of raising kids in this crazy world. She struggles through the trials and joys of raising children from the ages of two to 15 years old. Kari received her degree at WKU and taught public middle school music and choir for seven years before opening her own business, Sound Beginnings Musikgarten & Vocal Studio. She lives and works in Bowling Green.
