I’m sitting in my living room watching a soft, loose, powdery snow fall to the ground. The backdrop to this picture is a small grove of bare trees standing strong and dark on this gray day. The kids are quietly engrossed in their homeschool experiment and the three-year-old is actually napping. It’s an ideal moment where an outsider would think – “Wow! What a beautiful moment. She’s really got this together!”
Then, with a closer look, reality would set in. I actually have this moment because I’m laid up with a busted shin from where I slipped and slammed my leg into an old delivery pallet. Yep, that’s right. I’m in pain and, like anyone, I can get a touch grouchy when I hurt this bad. Thankfully, I don’t think it’s broken – just bruised and swollen and throbbing like a cartoon injury, so my kids have taken shelter in their schoolwork.
To top it off, some of my kids tested positive for COVID this week. Sigh! When it rains it pours… but that’s a whole different article. (Stay tuned, you might see that one next month.) Anyway, I’m trying to keep a positive outlook. Positivity is what allows us to see a silver lining and catch beautiful, fleeting moments that are the hidden gems in hard times.
I guess the question is how do we stay positive when we are tired, in pain, sick or just sick of being worn down by life? We all have ups and downs, and the parenting roller coaster can really have some intense peaks and valleys. When you add to that the stressors of work, running a household and any other responsibilities you may have, it can seem impossible to stay positive.
It’s no wonder there are millions of people depressed in the world! And honestly, I don’t have the answers. Sometimes I completely fail at staying positive and other times I do a pretty good job of it. Over the years, I have learned a few things that often work for me. That is… when I remember to do them.
The biggest thing I do that helps me to stay positive is choosing to stay that way. It’s not always easy (and let’s face it – sometimes I really fail at this) but choosing to put my “big girl panties” on and facing the issue the best way I can always makes me feel better. That’s not to say that having a good “wallow in your despair” moment can’t also have its plus side (a good cry is always refreshing), but choosing to accept and move forward gives me a sense of purpose which improves my mood. As a friend of mine says, “I won’t let life or other people steal my joy.”
Another technique I use to help me stay positive is prayer and worship. I realize this might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but for me, putting my trust in God really lightens my load. Sometimes the situation calls for constant prayer and other times once is enough. I find it hard to be depressed if I’m truly focused on God.
Another trick for me is making space for myself. With a busy household, it is often noisy and hard to focus. When there is so much chaos, I find it hard to stay positive when things go wrong. That is why I try to give myself thirty minutes of alone time every day. It isn’t fun time spent reading or vegging in front of the TV, but every day I leave my children downstairs doing school while I head upstairs for thirty minutes. I spend this time brushing my teeth, washing my face, making my bed, and generally getting ready for the day. But it is my time. It is quiet. I don’t think. I just am. This simple routine helps me stay focused during the chaos and keeps me just a bit more grounded during difficult times.
Finally, I will sometimes use the trick of counting my blessings. I know it sounds cliché, but if I force myself to remember the good things I have, then it is a bit easier to tolerate the tough times. I’m always surprised at the things I find to be thankful for. For example, sometimes I am in such a foul mood that I almost have to get silly with it: “I’m thankful for my alarm clock, I’m thankful for my pajamas, etc.” Before long, I realize just how truly blessed I am and that really helps to lift my spirits.
The point of all this is to say that while I sat and watched the snow fall, I realized that even though I would have chosen different circumstances, it was a beautiful moment. One worth taking notice of. There are so many beautiful moments in the hard. I wish you a positive outlook even when life is hard and I hope you have the ability to see those beautiful moments!
-by Kari Carr
About the Author: Kari doesn’t claim to be a parenting expert, just a mom to her four wonderful children and wife to the love of her life, Mike. Together they move through the ups and downs of raising kids in this crazy world. She struggles through the trials and joys of raising children from the ages of two to 15 years old. Kari received her degree at WKU and taught public middle school music and choir for seven years before opening her own business, Sound Beginnings Musikgarten & Vocal Studio. She lives and works in Bowling Green.
