“Hey, Mommy”… “Hey, Mommy”… Over and over again I hear this sweet sing-song voice call, “Hey, Mommy” and then proceed to ask me a million questions. Or maybe she has a story to tell me that will take ten minutes to get out of her mouth because her little brain is working faster than the rest of her and she keeps repeating the same sentence over and over until everything clears up in her precious little head. Add to that the constant stories and questions of my other children, the dog barking and the fact that my life consists of planning everyone else’s lives and constant chauffeuring, and “Hey, Mommy” doesn’t sound so sweet on the millionth time. No, it’s a grating, nails-on-the-chalkboard, driving-me-mad kind of sound.
Just keeping it real here…
I don’t want to feel this way. I want to wrap that precious three-year-old up in my arms and love on her until the sun no longer rises and sets. I want to read to her, sing and play with her and soak up every second because this isn’t my first rodeo and I know how quickly they grow up. I want to spend every second I can with each of my kids. I want to be joyful and energetic and give them a calm, peaceful atmosphere. But in my head I’m screaming. And I feel guilty.
Logically, I know that I haven’t had enough sleep, we are in a stressful time since we are moving and I’m in a busy phase of parenting. The stress will eventually ease, we will get settled into a new house and hopefully I can find a bit of “space” for myself. But that logic doesn’t make it any easier right now! All the things still have to get done. My teenager still needs a ride to work, the three-year-old still needs her butt wiped, my son needs to be picked up from camp and I need to make sure that my twelve-year-old doesn’t feel like the middle child she actually is. I also still have responsibilities that do not pertain to mothering.
At this very moment, I want to get in my car and drive far away and lock myself somewhere quiet; someplace where no one needs me, where I don’t have kids and dogs crawling all over me and I can just decompress.
I pray that you aren’t reading this thinking, “What a terrible mother!” I pray I’m not the only one that sometimes feels like this. (Surely I’m not, right?) I hope you understand that even though I am an “experienced mom” (I like that much better than “older mom”) and I’ve been here before, I still get tired and stressed out. The difference is that when I was a young mom and got overwhelmed I didn’t exactly know what to do. I did, however, have friends that were in the same boat and that made it easier to cope. Now, however, I don’t have a lot of close friends that are in the same place as I am. (I mean how many people are parenting teenagers and preschoolers at the same time? Not many in my circle.) So I often feel alone in this journey.
At least now I know that I am most likely so stressed out because I need to take a bit of time for myself. Rearranging my schedule so that I can get to bed earlier or get my butt back into the gym so that I can de-stress are things that I know help me feel better and keep my head clear. Taking the time to have dinner out or even just hide in my room for an hour can help if I am getting overloaded. Eating right and making sure I am staying healthy so that I have the energy required to manage my family needs to become a higher priority again. I know I need to do better at these things so that my physical and mental health stay intact. After all, I can’t love and take care of my family the way I want to if I’m not in a good place.
Please don’t judge me. I don’t often get this overwhelmed and I don’t often feel like running away. My family is so precious to me! I want to always be with them, but sometimes I just need a break. My guess is that sometimes you do, too. I want you to know that it’s okay. It is okay to make some time for yourself. It is okay to take care of you. It is okay to feel this way. As long as you don’t run out on your family and you are doing your best – it is okay. Take that break you need – call the sitter and go get a manicure.
And if you are reading this and are not the primary caregiver – thank the one that is. They often sacrifice their physical and mental health to take care of everyone else. Don’t take for granted that they can do it all. Just because they aren’t asking for help doesn’t mean you shouldn’t offer said help. We all have our part to do in raising a family, but sometimes we don’t always know how to vocalize what we need.
Just writing this article has been a nice decompression for me, but now I hear, “Hey, Mommy” from the other room and it’s about time to go pick my oldest up from work. LOL, it never ends, but at least I feel a bit better and I know I’m going to bed early tonight. Take care of yourself and happy parenting!
-by Kari Carr
About the Author: Kari doesn’t claim to be a parenting expert, just a mom to her four wonderful children and wife to the love of her life, Mike. Together they move through the ups and downs of raising kids in this crazy world. She struggles through the trials and joys of raising children from the ages of two to 15 years old. Kari received her degree at WKU and taught public middle school music and choir for seven years before opening her own business, Sound Beginnings Musikgarten & Vocal Studio. She lives and works in Bowling Green.
