The New Year has arrived and everyone is talking about the resolutions they made this year. Exercise more, lose weight, read 25 books this year, get organized and saving money are all common (and good) resolutions, but not the resolution for me. This year my New Year’s resolution is to fail less as a mom. That’s right, the mom fail is on its way out the door.
No more yelling at my kids in frustration. No more hiding in the garage until I can face them, and no more empty promises to my five-year-old about what we will play tomorrow… Just kidding. I’m human and we all make mistakes – mom fails are just a part of being human. I’m not saying we shouldn’t continue trying to better ourselves. No, I’m saying that as we try to improve, we should give ourselves some grace.
Mothers are so hard on themselves all while trying to carry the load of multiple people. (Last time I checked, superheroes were fictional characters so don’t stress about trying to be supermom.) Being a mom is a hard job and sometimes we make it harder on ourselves than we need to.
I should know; I’ve been parenting for nearly 20 years and I don’t know that I’ve had a single perfect day of parenting. I’ve had really good days, but if I examine them closely I could find mistakes I made even in the best days. My kids love me anyway, despite my faults – that’s the beauty of motherhood.
So, it doesn’t matter that I didn’t get my youngest’s long-sleeve shirts and sweatshirts out until December 4th and we were sending her to preschool in layers and the same three long-sleeved shirts on rotation. Or that we’ve been promising new bedroom furniture to Savannah for a year. In the long run, what’s the big deal if I have to leave the homeschooling table to keep from screaming on a daily basis? As long as Sadie-Rae keeps warm and I’m doing what I need in order to keep my temper in check that’s a win, right?
I guess my point is this: We are all going to have “mom fails,” but as long as we are doing our best, it will all work out okay. Sometimes we need the reminder that we don’t have to be perfect.
Let’s face it: I need that reminder. I struggle on the daily. I’m often frustrated and ashamed of how hard parenting seems to be in this stage of life. I’m sad that I don’t spend more of the time I have with them cuddling or playing. I’m frustrated that life seems to be so full of work and appointments and I don’t have time to be as present in their lives as I want to be. I’m devastated that the connections I used to have with my kids seem to be slipping away.
I know how hard I try and that everything I do is for my family. I hope they know it, too. Regardless, being so hard on myself won’t make the “mom fails” disappear. It will only make them seem so much worse, and in this era of social media where we see everyone’s successes and none of the failures, it gets hard to remember that we don’t have to be perfect. After all, there is really no such thing as perfect.
I can only give my best. And when the failures come along, hopefully I can laugh off the funny ones, make lemonade out of the lemons, or at the very least pick myself up and keep moving forward after I have that good cry. Let’s each resolve that 2023 won’t be the year of motherhood perfection, but rather a year full of laughter, love and doing our best. I think that is the essence of being a mom, anyway. Happy New Year!
-by Kari Carr
About the Author: Kari doesn’t claim to be a parenting expert, just a mom to her four wonderful children and wife to the love of her life, Mike. Together they move through the ups and downs of raising kids in this crazy world. She struggles through the trials and joys of raising children from the ages of two to 15 years old. Kari received her degree at WKU and taught public middle school music and choir for seven years before opening her own business, Sound Beginnings Musikgarten & Vocal Studio. She lives and works in Bowling Green.
