I just want to be a good mom. I want to raise my kids to be good people. I want to be confident that they have the skills they need in order to be successful in life. And most of all – I don’t ever want them to doubt how much I love them. I became a mother nineteen years ago and as I think back through the years of child-rearing, I realize how different things are now than all those years ago.
For one thing, we have newer (and sometimes better) technology. When my oldest was little, we used to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse every morning at a certain time, and Hannah Montana at a certain time in the evenings. Now, my six-year-old streams Hannah Montana anytime she wants. When Cadence was little, you could still drive through a neighborhood and see kids outside playing together. Nowadays, it seems like the neighborhood pick-up game is a thing of the past. Kids today seem to be too scheduled to be outside that much; or they are inside on their Instagram accounts and video games.
The biggest difference for our family is that when Cadence was little we had less to do. We’ve become busier with each child. Cadence had one dance class and a piano lesson to go to when she was six; now that my youngest is six, our family has multiple dance classes, instrument lessons, and sports to participate in. Sometimes it is hard to know if we are going or coming and we often feel we really only say, “Good morning,” and “Good night,” to each other. It feels like a full-time, very stressful job to make family time a priority. I spend literal hours scheduling and rescheduling to make it all happen, and somehow we get maybe a couple of meals together and a bit of family time each week.
The problem is it’s getting harder to make that happen. My oldest is now in college and she is super busy. All three of my younger children have several activities, and my job often has me working nights and weekends. We also have aging parents that require help getting to doctor appointments. As hard as I try, I still feel like we are missing out on precious family time. I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on what I can do to help remedy this and I have decided the best thing I can do for my family is to cut back on some of my outside responsibilities.
This will be my final article for a while. I have loved writing these articles for the past six-and-a-half years. This article has given me a creative outlet, it has allowed me reflection on family life, and has truly been a blessing in my life. These articles have reflected my life in so many ways – I even announced my pregnancy with Sadie-Rae through this article. I only hope it has been a source of encouragement, hope, and maybe a chuckle or two in yours. I hope my experiences have helped you in some way – parenting is hard and it can be easier to know you are not in it alone.
I also hope that someday I can return to writing a parenting article, but for now I simply want to say two things:
1) Just do your best. We all make mistakes as parents. We will all have moments when we lose our tempers, or when the best dinner we can provide is cereal. We all have a messy house sometimes, and I’ve not met a single parent yet who hasn’t forgotten their child at school, practice, or another activity. We don’t have to be super-mom. We just have to do our best. Some days we will feel like we are nailing parenthood, but other days it will feel like nothing we do is right. Just hang in there. Take a deep breath. Say a prayer. We’ve all been there, and even though it’s hard and it’s messy, parenting is also beautiful.
2) Tell your children you love them everyday. Don’t take it for granted they know. And give them quality time. Make the effort, even when it’s hard to do the little things like read a book together, or explore nature. Hug them and let them know you will always be there for them. (I also recommend setting expectations for them; making sure they have a clear understanding and then help your kids reach those expectations. Children crave boundaries – it shows that you love them.)
Childhood is fleeting and if you aren’t purposeful, it will be over and you will have missed it. That’s why I’m stepping away from the pen and paper for now. I don’t want to miss a minute of my kids’ childhood and I really only have one little one left. Between the activities, caring for our parents, our jobs, and all that life has blessed us with; I’m struggling to get enough of the quality time I need with the kids. I have to cut back on several things and unfortunately this is one of them. I hope you have more good days than bad, that your messy house is full of laughter, and that you put this article down and give your kids a big squeeze. Take care!
Kari
About the Author: Kari Carr doesn’t claim to be a parenting expert, just a mom to her four wonderful children and wife to the love of her life, Mike. Together they move through the ups and downs of raising kids in this crazy world. She struggles through the trials and joys of raising children from the ages of four to 18 years old. Kari received her degree at WKU and taught public middle school music and choir for seven years before opening her own business, Sound Beginnings Musikgarten & Vocal Studio. She lives and works in Bowling Green.
