A new year has come and with that a whole slew of opportunities and resolutions and maybe even responsibilities lie ahead. For some of us, we don’t have a clue what’s coming next. All we know is that it’s the year 2024, we have a few goals in mind for the year, and yes, we could probably afford to lose a few pounds with the rest of America. Everything else is fair game. Others of us are hyper focused on one thing we hope to achieve, adhering to no distraction along the way. And yet, no matter what path you are on, what we will all come to know at the end of this new year is that there is a little bit of magic to be found in all sorts of places.
I was just recently asked to write for this column and as I contemplated the idea in my mind, I immediately felt unqualified for the task. I thought, I’m in no position to give advice on parenting; I’m a brand-new mom. I don’t have a degree in journalism or communication. And do I really want to be vulnerable and transparent about not getting “parenting” right all the time? Then I was reminded that the best things in my life have been the things that I never saw coming. It has always served me to emphatically say “Yes!” to the opportunities that have come my way even when I was unqualified for them. So, my hope is that I can shed some pearls of wisdom on the journey as I mature in motherhood, or motherhood matures me.
Almost four years ago I met a guy with two really cute kids; one boy, one girl, 14 months apart in age, and it didn’t take me long to realize that I wanted to be a part of their little family. Lucky for me, they wanted me to be part of it too, so we went after what our hearts desired and became just that: a family. Again, completely unqualified, I became a stepmom (except we prefer the term “bonus mom” since “stepmom” seemingly comes with a negative connotation). Our lives changed quickly, and boy was I in for a ride. I’d never been a mom before, much less a second mom. I’m not proud to say that I learned some hard truths about parenting from getting it miserably wrong with my bonus kids. I was sizing myself up every day and feeling like I was completely failing, until one day I cleared the proverbial table of all the expectations that I had brought to it. It was then that I learned the most valuable lesson that I have yet to learn as a bonus mom: what they needed from me was to be a steady presence. I had been asking myself, “What do I need to become now that I’m a mom?” and maybe forgetting that they just needed me to be what I had been: a consistent figure of love and structure and dependency. That lesson was painful to learn, but undeniably one that shifted my perspective and positively affected our relationship.
Just about the time that I had learned that pearl of bonus-mom wisdom, I became a biological mother to a blue-eyed, blond-haired little boy who absolutely tilted my world on its axes. For years before his birth, I felt like I had been knocking on the door of Motherhood, wondering if that was going to be something I’d ever walk through and experience, and then I did. It became my new defining domain. I was made for this. I was made for him – for them. There’s a perfect heavenly harmony in your heart when you finally feel like you are exactly who you were meant to be. It’s as if all the stars line up and you are completely in sync with all your hopes and dreams. I feel so fortunate to have felt that for the last 18 months, and now, I am proud to say that I am both a mom to a toddler and a bonus mom to tweens. I’m also proud to say that those titles have shaped my worldview, and I’m excited to share that with you in this space as I share what I’m learning as I sometimes waltz and sometimes fumble through parenting.
As we walk into a new year, I’m chasing after wonder and joy and delight, hoping to teach each one of my kids that there is magic to be found in all sorts of places. I’m betting that they will find that to be true in different ways, just as you and I will, but it’s there. Let’s go after the magic of anew together.
-by Destini McPherson
