Over the last few years, I’ve taken up gardening. I have become somewhat passionate about the subject, invested myself (and my dollars) into learning more about it. Whether or not I am any good at it is subjective, but gardening has become a serious hobby in my life over the last four or so years.
Every year I look forward to the process of selecting what I want to grow, planting the seeds, growing the seedlings, caring for and tending to the garden, and then watching it all come to fruition. Gathering the harvest, showing my family the goods, preparing vases of freshly-grown flowers, and cooking our very own produce is a full-on delight. I love the creating and the collecting so much, but it’s probably the peace I find in gardening that holds my interest the most.
When I’m in the garden, the hum of my busy world finds a slower tempo and it creates for me a headspace that is clearer to sort my thoughts, my prayers, my hopes, and dreams. The tranquility I find in the garden is not only deeply desirable but also very beneficial to my overall well-being. I’ve had some tough conversations in my garden, prayed some really passionate prayers, and done a lot of listening while kneeling on the ground, both hands in the earth.
A few years ago, I started small with a little box garden, and have grown it four times as large this year. My husband, Brandon, has built all my beds and helped me prepare every one of them by hand. The big kids help me plot the beds and plant the seeds, and our little kid helps distribute our mess. Everyone plays some kind of part from the start, and it is so fun for me to witness the teamwork, but what I love most about it is that everyone has bought into my joy. Every one of our hands have been in the dirt. Every one of us have invested a little hope into the harvest of my little dream. They know that this my thing, and yet, they all find pleasure in participating.
In my young two years of parenting, what I’ve come to learn is that it is really easy to lose yourself in motherhood. Of course, you learn to put the needs of your child before your own, but if you don’t keep your finger on the pulse of your life, before you know it, you’ve lost the part of you that existed well before your child. It’s no wonder why so many find themselves lost when their children leave home to start their own adult lives because they stopped living within themselves a long time ago.
Personally, I have wanted to be a mother for my whole entire life, and when I became a one, I felt a rebirth of my own self. I felt like I was stepping into the person that I was destined to become, and I didn’t lose myself in becoming a mother – I found myself in it. But being a mother is not my whole being. I am also a wife, a sister, a friend. I am a woman outside of all those roles who is creative and thoughtful and passionate and curious. And as much as I absolutely love and adore being a mother, I have other ambitions outside of mothering; becoming a great gardener is one.
What I’m hoping to teach my kids, my bonus daughter especially, is that there is more to me than just being a parent, just as there will be more to them if and when they reach that point in their lives. And it’s OK to nurture and feed the parts of you that seek wholesome self-fulfillment. For some of my girlfriends, that fulfillment comes in the form of monthly facials and massages and manicures. For others, it’s travel and adventure. All those things fill their own personal cups – none of them are wrong.
I hope my kids will admire that I have hobbies and crafts outside of them. I hope they respect that I cared for them and I cared for their dad and that I cared for myself, too.
As we celebrate Mother’s Day this month, I want to challenge all my fellow mothers to find the thing that fills you up outside of mom-ing, and if you’ve already found that thing, keep after it. It isn’t selfish to care for yourself. Let’s teach this generation that becoming a parent doesn’t mean we are deaf to personal joys. We don’t have to burn our bras anymore to declare that we are women who have hearts and minds. We can just build our own proverbial gardens and let our families see the delight it brings to us.
-by Destini McPherson
