“You’re going to leave, and I am going to help you,” I told her, as I held her close and rocked her to sleep that night. She was our first child.
Two years later, I told her newborn brother the same thing. Eight years after that, I was repeating that prophetic promise to our third child. It is a commitment I repeated to all three of them their entire childhood. Over and over, I would say with a smile and a sense of anticipation, “You are leaving, and I am going to help you.”
One of the greatest gifts in life is being a parent. One of the most important things we can do as parents is to prepare our children to go into the world and thrive. That is not an easy task. There are many obstacles, of which we may be one. The world is not helping either, and our children are naturally inclined to dissuade us. But for our children’s sakes, for our nation’s sake, and for our own sakes, we must make and keep this promise to release our children into the world ready to survive and thrive.
To succeed at this great endeavor, we must think long-term. Too many parents want happy children, or children that appear happy, that can be posted on social media. That may make us feel good and look good, but in the grand scheme of life, our selfish desire to be celebrated may be causing harm. Our children do not need to be social media celebrities. They need to be strong human beings who feel responsible for the well-being of others.
Rather than trying to make our children happy, which is like the curse of Sisyphus, a task that is never fully achieved, we must aim higher. Happiness is not found by pursuit. It is a by-product of a life lived well.
Our children need confidence, competence, and character to live well. This means that we must encourage our children to do hard things and learn the lessons that come with success and failure. We must teach them rhythms of life that include being fully engaged and accountable to a faith community where money, time, and emotional energy are invested. We must show them what it takes to stay married to one person until death parts them. We must inspire them to want to make sacrifices so others can have things they need. Statistics tell us that the happiest people on the planet are the ones who are sure of who they are, who do work that contributes to society, and who help other people in need.
The best way a parent can produce the confidence, competency, and character needed for a child to live well is to model it. When it comes to parenting, more is caught than is taught. Our children struggle to listen to our words, but they always remember our actions. What we do will influence their expectations and desires.
While our actions are certainly louder than our words, our words do matter. We must learn to use them well. Our conversations with our kids are crucial. The older they get, the less words we will be able to pour into their hearts and minds.
Use the preschool and elementary years to convince them that they can make a difference in the world. Middle school is an awkward time, but it goes by quick. Teach them to take responsibility for their time, their spiritual and emotional health, and to care for the welfare of others. Each year in high school provides a unique challenge and opportunity. When they are lowly freshman, help them see the possibilities of life after high school. When they are bored sophomores, discuss plans for a meaningful vocation. As they get their driver’s license and become more invested in trusted friends, remind them that life is sacred, and their body is not a toy; it is a temple. When their senior year rolls around, don’t waste time wondering where the time went. Help them get into college or a career path that makes sense for them and their skill set.
We get one shot with each child. The days will sometimes feel long, but the years will go by fast. One minute they will be sitting in timeout, and in a blink, they will be sitting in a car driving away completely out of your control. Each stage is important. We must make the most of the time we have and do all we can to launch them out as healthy human beings full of hope.
Our last one will be leaving soon. I believe he is ready. I am keeping my promise.
-by Dr. Jason Pettus,
Senior Pastor, Living Hope Baptist Church
