submitted by Home Instead Senior Care
Are you and a sibling caring for an aging parent? Decisions on finances, care options and how to divide workload can often lead to disagreements or hurt feelings. You might be asking yourself the following questions: How do I divide this workload with my sister? What’s the best way to build teamwork with my brothers? How can we reach an agreement as a family on important topics to avoid conflict? Home Instead Senior Care devised a program to assist siblings in the decision-making process when caring for a parent. The 50-50 Rule teaches family members skills to make the process more enjoyable while overcoming any sibling differences.
The 50-50 Rule refers to the need for siblings to share equally in the plans for care. Five issues in the lives of seniors can contribute to this imbalance of caregiving responsibilities – illness, financial challenges, inheritance concerns, distance and stress. The stakes are high; sibling relationships and the quality of their parent’s care are at risk. With new approaches and a focus on building better family relationships, caregiving can make families stronger than ever.
Sharing the Care
Sharing isn’t always easy for brothers and sisters who grew up under the same roof. Divvying up toys, bathroom time, or vehicles may have been a challenge at your house, and sharing the daily household chores could have led to family conflict as well. Some things never change. According to research conducted for the Home Instead Senior Care network, sharing the care of elderly parents can be a challenging obstacle for adult siblings. An inability to work together leads to one sibling becoming responsible for the bulk of caregiving in 43 percent of families. In only 2 percent of families did the siblings split the caregiving responsibility equally.
Some practical tips for engaging with siblings include…
Talk and listen: Research shows that parents care a lot about maintaining independence, often to the point that they forfeit getting more support. That’s why it’s important to communicate, preferably before your family is in the throes of caregiving.
Research options: When you and your siblings have identified the types of services, interventions or care options that your senior needs, look for organizations and resources that can help you meet those needs. Discuss with your siblings who in the family will handle this job. Try to divide the tasks so everyone has input and the opportunity to share their ideas. A good place to start is by doing online research on websites such as www.eldercare.gov and www.homeinstead.com.
Plan ahead: When needs and resources are identified, you and your siblings will have a better idea what will be required of your family. For example, if your mother wants to stay at home and age in place, consider whether someone in the family will be supplementing that care, or if you will divide those duties among siblings, or if you will be hiring a professionally trained Home Instead Senior Care CAREGiver to provide services.
Be flexible: The need of seniors change as they age. So do the lives of you and your siblings. Rather than insisting that all of the caregiving tasks be divided equally, consider a division of labor that takes into account each family member’s interests and skills, as well as their availability.
Be honest: If you have become the primary caregiver and it’s getting to be too much, make sure your siblings know that you need help. Discuss specific tasks that your brother or sister can help you with such as grocery shopping or placing online orders. If you are a long-distance sibling, check in often with the primary caregiver to see how it’s going.
Some resources to guide you through this journey include:
The 50-50 Rule – www.solvingfamilyconflict.com
The 40-70 Rule – www.4070talk.com
Caring.com – www.caring.com
Home Instead Senior Care – www.homeinstead.com
Stages of Senior Care: Your Step-by-Step Guide to Making the Best Decisions – www.stagesofseniorcare.com
CaregiverStress.com – www.caregiverstress.com
To speak with an aging specialist on non-medical home care, call Home Instead Senior Care today at 270-842-7540. We can assist you with the details on how a professionally trained CAREGiver can supplement your care for an aging parent.
