Many years ago, my first article for SOKY was about trying to slow down and capture those fleeting, precious moments with my family. I’ve tried to make that happen more often in my life. (I admit I’m still not as present as I want to be with my children, but I’m working on it daily.) In trying to be more present and aware of the amazing things my kids are doing, I have spent more time playing with them lately. (Don’t panic, mom, we are all busy with mommy duties and work. We don’t always have to be “the fun mom.”) This playtime has led me to some self-discoveries.
My oldest child is sixteen and she doesn’t play anymore, unless she is playing with her youngest siblings. Instead, we spend our time together talking and working side-by-side on things. She has become a very mature young adult and is also becoming one of my best friends. I love spending time with her! She helps me pick out my clothes (so I can look “cool”) and since Cadence sits up later than her siblings, we will often watch Friends episodes with just us and her daddy. It is one of our favorite things to do.
Savannah just turned thirteen and she doesn’t really play anymore either, unless playing with a younger sibling. We spend our time together reading different series’ of books or just talking. I really enjoy this time I get to spend with my teen. I know there is a day coming when she might choose her friends over her momma, so I try to impart wisdom and enjoy the time I have now.
My son is a totally different story, and it is perhaps from him that I have learned the most about myself. He is about to be ten and is somewhere between the realm of toys and the wisdom-imparting talks that I have with my two oldest children. I tried very hard to spend time actually playing with Reed while he was in full-blown toy mode. It was sometimes hard to stay engaged, though, as he got older. For instance, he loves LEGOS. I hate LEGOS. I know they are fabulous toys that foster learning, imagination and so many other things, but I simply find no satisfaction in building LEGOS of any type. Sigh…
Reed doesn’t often ask me to play with him anymore. He is more into sports and friends his own age. However, on occasion, he will ask me to play. And on even rarer occasions, I will agree. I so enjoy the time that I get to spend with him, but it is his Daddy that he longs to spend most of his time with. I try to encourage my husband to spend that time with Reed and enjoy it, because I know it is fleeting and we need to soak up all the time we can get with our children.
I once again have a preschooler to play with. Of course, she has three big siblings to play with so she doesn’t often ask me to play. However, when she does, I do my best to stop and give her at least a few minutes of my time. Wow! What an experience when I get to play with Sadie-Rae. I am often transported through space and time to places I haven’t even dreamed of. I have realized that it can be quite fun to let go of my adult self and just enjoy exploring a new character or a new story. It is even more fun to be able to watch my child make her stories come alive! It is so much fun to watch this little girl growing and learning!
What I have learned from playing with my children is that I actually enjoy sometimes being the bad guy and having new parenting experiences as each child grows into a new stage. Ultimately, I think the joy comes from simply doing something different, from letting go and being free to be (for a short time) someone I’m not. I have also learned that even though they have very different styles of play, we can usually find something we can all enjoy playing together. My children seem to have a very unique gift to play imaginary stories out together. I revel in those times that I get to play with them and watch them interact with each other. It is sweet and sometimes funny to see them span the age gaps. I’ve also learned that my children are teachers. They teach me new things about myself, about the world and about them every time I pay attention. I’ve learned that even though playing with my children looks a bit different with each of them, I can still find amazement and fun in the process. I’ve learned that the time I spend with them is more important than what we play. However, the biggest lesson I’ve learned is one I am very grateful for… Play is still fun even though I’m an adult. It is still fun to enjoy the freedom of my imagination and to explore the unfamiliar territories of play. So, until next time, I’m going to go ask my kids to play with me.
-by Kari Carr
About the Author: Kari doesn’t claim to be a parenting expert, just a mom to her four wonderful children and wife to the love of her life, Mike. Together they move through the ups and downs of raising kids in this crazy world. She struggles through the trials and joys of raising children from the ages of two to 15 years old. Kari received her degree at WKU and taught public middle school music and choir for seven years before opening her own business, Sound Beginnings Musikgarten & Vocal Studio. She lives and works in Bowling Green.
