“Becoming a mother leaves no woman as it found her. It unravels her and rebuilds her. It cracks her open, takes her to her edges. It’s both beautiful and brutal; often at the same time.”
I saw this quote on a friend’s post this week and it sent shivers through me. I have no idea who originally said those words, but it resonates deeply with me because it’s true.
From the very beginning stages of pregnancy, a mother is changed; no longer the woman she once was. Mentally, this woman is making plans, daydreaming, planning for the new baby. Often her priorities shift, causing her to change things she never thought she would. Physically, a pregnant mother has so many things changing in her body that the “unraveling and rebuilding” part of the cycle is almost literal.
Once the baby arrives, a new mother finds her world completely rocked again. This time, her body is flooded with hormones but there is a helpless, precious infant depending on her. Sleep is often elusive, and life has changed in so many ways the shift can be drastic and lonely.
On the flip side, this is a beautiful time when planning for the baby often draws a couple even closer. There is also nothing more wonderful than the euphoria of holding your precious infant. Feeding/nursing, rocking, and loving your new baby is an experience and a feeling that is hard to express with words. It’s a magical time of growing as a person and as a family. (Especially with the first baby. It’s harder – though not impossible to experience – when you already have children.)
Then, as infants grow into toddlers and preschoolers, there are new joys to experience. There are also new struggles. These can range from teething, to picky eaters, to behavior training, and I could go on and on. It can be very hard, and the days sometimes seem so long. Then, once again, there are magical days when your little one has a great day, or maybe your child overwhelms you with that little voice that says, “I love you.”
Raising kids and teenagers also has its share of ups and downs. Throughout childhood there will always be some issues that develop causing a mother to question her knowledge, her worth as a mother, and much more. For me, one of those situations was when one of our children was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder. We struggled just to get this child dressed in the mornings, let alone all the other gut-wrenching battles we faced. I’ve also had one child almost totally “do me in,” as the saying goes. We are alike in so many ways (perfectionists, high anxiety, etc.) and because of this we often butt heads. It can be so damaging to my mother’s ego when I feel out of touch with this child. Yet there are other times when we are cuddling on the couch reading and life seems perfect.
We have been blessed so far with teenagers that have not been that difficult. Of course, all my kids are still teenagers or younger so there is plenty of time to experience many more teenage trials. I know we will also get to experience many more teenage highlights.
The point is that parenting in general is really hard! It takes a physical and mental toll on you, but at the same time becoming parents is the best thing that ever happened to you. The quote that started the article really sums up parenting the best way I’ve ever heard it described. I have many moments of just plain hard in my parenting experience. I have many beautiful moments, too. Then, there are the moments that are both; causing me to break, taking me to my absolute boundaries, then putting me back together in a whole new way. Here is one such example:
Once, many years ago, when Cadence was only two, I had a terminal pregnancy. The days were hard and the nights long and sleepless. The grieving couldn’t really begin, but also never stop while we waited. Scared, confused, and hoping all at the same time. It was awful and I could barely care for Cadence, much less any of my other responsibilities. Then, when I was at my lowest point and thought I could not go on, that sweet two-year-old climbed into my lap, wrapped her arms around my shaking body wracked with tears, and told me she loved me. “Brutal yet beautiful at the same time.” Without even knowing, that little girl helped heal me a little that day.
I have had many moments when I’ve asked myself, “Why did we have all these kids?” or “How are we ever going to get through this?” But I’ve had so many more moments when I’ve thought to myself, “This is it. This is a beautiful family moment… it can’t get any better.” But then it does. And the beauty of parenthood blossoms even more and I am left breathless with appreciation of the gifts I have been given. As hard as some days and seasons are, I would not trade any of it. I know there will be other trials and I will be broken and rebuilt again and again as I do my best to guide my children, but I pray there will always be beauty in the rebuilding.
-by Kari Carr
About the Author: Kari doesn’t claim to be a parenting expert, just a mom to her four wonderful children and wife to the love of her life, Mike. Together they move through the ups and downs of raising kids in this crazy world. She struggles through the trials and joys of raising children from the ages of four to 18 years old. Kari received her degree at WKU and taught public middle school music and choir for seven years before opening her own business, Sound Beginnings Musikgarten & Vocal Studio. She lives and works in Bowling Green.
